Hey.
I'm serious when I say I think the sentiment that kindness requires "zero effort" is harmful.
The idea that kind is a thing you can be innately, without having to think or feel anything about it, leaves a gap in the fence where the other idea "if I have unkind thoughts or feelings, I am by nature a bad, unkind person" can slip through.
Listen. That's bullshit.
Being kind to other people means paying attention to the effect your words and actions have on others, caring about it, and trying to make those effects better. That's work.
If you have a nasty thought about another person that annoys you and you contain the impulse, hold your tongue, and let it go? That was effort.
If you took time out to really think about something you wanted to say and make sure it would have its intended result without causing accidental harm that you wouldn't have noticed if you went totally off the cuff? Wow, that took some work!
If you were tired and angry and full of hatred but you still did the dishes so your housemate has something to eat their breakfast off of in the morning, that wasn't easy.
I don't think there are magical "kind" people who never have a mean thought and are always selfless and pure. That would be exhausting and impossible.
I'm not a "nice person," I'm a nasty, bitter, angry, sad person who tries to have good leash manners, control my worst impulses, and not jump on strangers because they don't deserve that shit from me.
I don't always succeed, but I'm trying. I'm trying and it's worth it.
